Recent Movies.. Again
Sep. 15th, 2009 08:23 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
trancer21The month without internet access was the month I watched a *ton* of movies. Most are of the 'meh/all right' variety, a few belong in the 'if I could punch a producer in the face' (Gamer? I'm looking at you!). Either way, it was something to do to keep me from going postal from the lack of internet access.
Gamer - Wow, what an ugly, repugnant movie. While I was watching, all I could think was 'man, this is like Crank without an ounce of humor'. And, whadya know, it's made by the same folks that brought you Crank *and* Crank 2, this time, with the added bonus of even *more* racism, sexism and homophobia. It's movies like this that don't make me feel bad about using torrents. If Hollywood doesn't feel it's necessary to even *think* about towards catering to my needs/wants as a consumer, then they obviously feel my dollars aren't necessary. With crap like this, I have no desire to give it to them.
Angel of Death - this is basically the web series in full movie form. I don't know if the full movie has anything new/different from the web serial since I bailed on it around episode 2. As a whole, the movie's just.. all right. When it's Zoe Bell kicking ass and taking names, it's awesome but the plot just doesn't have the energy or pace to maintain the momentum. Which, I guess, was the outcome of its low budget. But, honestly, it's also a problem with the story, it's lacking a bit of 'oomph'.
Rogue (2007) - This one was way better than I expected it to be. Totally forgot it was by the same guy who did 'Wolf Creek'. A movie I kinda refuse to watch due to its content (hikers get tortured/killed by serial killer). The movie goes along at a nice pace and works because the monster (crocodile) isn't shown until the last third of the movie. It also helps that it stars Radha Mitchell. Although, I'm still not sure why a movie she carries on her shoulders for about 3/4's of the film suddenly becomes about Michael Vartan!
Mind Warp (1990) - I have now seen *every* single movie starring Bruce Campbell. I think I'm supposed to get a plaque or something. While both imdb.com and Wiki have 1992 as the year of this movie, it's copywritten in the credits as 1990. Why is this important? Because this is such a leftover from the 80's movie, back when post-apocalypse films were the big thing.. amongst low budget movies. Back when there were still drive-ins and midnight movies. Anyway, the movie's complete crap with the only interesting aspect being the shooting location. The exterior scenes were shot on a sand and copper mining ruin in Gay, Michigan.
Sadly, this movie also falls into my constantly growing 'heroine threatened with rape' list. On the one hand, the story and setting actually sets up this particular plot thread - forced impregnation for the purpose of survival of the species - so it doesn't exactly come from left field. On the other, I *want* to forgive it since it's an almost 30 year old movie.. but, I won't. Even by 1990 standards, this particular trope had already become beyond tired.
Cleavagefield - You know, I like to say that I'll watch anything but even I have my limits. After five minutes of this softcore crap (I caught it on Cinemax), I had to turn it off because I could actually *feel* my IQ dropping.
Outlander (2008) - That was.. surprisingly good? Sure, it could have been 20 minutes shorter and funny how 6th century Vikings sound surprisingly like 20th century Brits and/or Americans. It's a bit flawed, ie, Sophia Myles being introduced as a kick-ass Viking princess who suddenly gets taken by the monster that, until this point, has been killing everything its come in contact with all for the sole purpose of being rescued by The Hero. Or someone forgetting to tell James Caviezel that he's in a movie about Vikings fighting an alien because he plays it like he's gonna send this as his Oscar nom reel. But, there were Vikings and aliens and a weird environmentalist message that kinda gets lost in all the killings.
Mutant Chronicles - Thankfully, The Dark Knight came around because, at this rate, Aaron Eckhart was quickly becoming this generations Christopher Lambert? A decent rental mainly for its special effects and sometimes great visuals, but all the special effects and visuals in the world can't overcome a lackluster script which is more interested in killing its characters at X plot point to keep the storyline going instead of giving me a reason as to why I should care that they're dead. And is also about as dreary as the muted tones of its visuals. Which is my one big complaint in regards to Hollywood today is the overuse of desaturated and muted color tones. Like, dude, film is a *visual* medium and as cool as ya'll think this looks? Nobody gives a damn if they can't see what's fucking onscreen! Somebody turn on a goddamn light.. or twelve!
Push - Wow, it's been a long time since a movie was so bad as to make me angry but Push is definitely it! Long, boring, plodding, it attempts to be convoluted with its plot but instead looks amateurish. I could rant about the crappiness of this movie but I'll just leave it at this - DO NOT WASTE YOUR TIME!!
Knowing - From the same studio, Summit Entertainment, that brought the world Twilight and Push. At first, it was one of those movies that tested my will to live but then, as the suckitude continued, became an inspiration for me to start writing more scripts. Because, seriously, if Summit Entertainment is willing to buy crap like *this* or Push? THEY'LL BUY ANYTHING!!
Dhoom - My Bollywood selection for this round. I'd seen the sequel before I'd seen this and thank GOD I did. I thought the Jai Dixit character (the hero) being a giant DICKHEAD in the second film was an anomaly for that flick. Nope, Jai Dixit is, hands down, about the most dickish 'hero' I've ever had the displeasure to watch. Seriously, when you're rooting for the 'bad guys' to win? Something's wrong. The villain, John Abrahams, doesn't actually show up until the half-way point of the movie. Dhoom is mostly saved, mostly, by Uday Chopra's low-level theif Ali Baig. Enjoyable but pretty much forgettable.
17 Again - I'd like to start off by saying a) this was the week I had no cable and b) it was free! Overall, I found it.. cute but that's probably my growing love for Zac Ephron talking. I could nitpick it to death, especially the hypocritical sexism but I pretty much expected that going in. The two parts that did bother were this - Matthew Perry gets the opportunity to become 17 again partly because he sucks as a father. His son is being bullied, not to mention said bully is his daughter's boyfriend. First off, it totally glosses over the fact that the mother should shoulder some of the blame for the situation *they're* kids are in. Second, it *completely* glosses over the fact that their daughter is dating the guy who's constantly harassing their son. Actually, the relationship between the son and the daughter is so non-existent that the two could have been in separate movies.
Finally, more than anything, I want a movie where a character gets to be young again, learns his or her 'valuable lesson' and CHOOSES TO REMAIN YOUNG! For awhile, I actually thought this was the direction the movie was going especially in relation to the wife character. Who's shown to actually be BETTER OFF without the Matthew Perry character (as an adult) in the picture... well, you know, aside from her sketchy parenting skills.
Affinity - Well that was fucking depressing! For some reason I'm contractually obligated to watch *everything* Zoe Tapper does.. which explains watching every single episode of Demons. This is one that'd been sitting on my hard drive for awhile and, after I'd started reading Fingersmith, I figured I'd give this Sarah Waters adaptation a view. More of a gothic mystery/horror with lesbians than a lesbian romance. One of those movies where it only works as long as you don't think too hard after it's over or else the entire plot falls apart. Like, way too many ducks had to be lined in a row for the plot to work as out as perfectly as it did, and even then I felt like the story 'cheated' to achieve its ending. It's not so much an 'a-ha' as much as a 'whu?'. I can only suppose the book expands a bit more on this but, having now seen the movie, I really have no interest in reading it. I don't mean that in the negative, the movie wasn't bad per se but I'm not in the mood to get involved in a book where *another* lesbian dies!
In the end - I guess the only ones I'd recommend would be Rogue, Affinity (which is quite good until the ending - someone wanna explain that to me?) and Angel of Death, mostly for the Zoe Bell awesomeness.
Next Up: The Bollywood Edition. Where I try and see if there's a Bollywood movie I *don't* like!! Actually, there was one I watched a couple years ago that made me want to beat everyone involved with a ball-pin hammer but, for the life of me, I can't remember the title!
Gamer - Wow, what an ugly, repugnant movie. While I was watching, all I could think was 'man, this is like Crank without an ounce of humor'. And, whadya know, it's made by the same folks that brought you Crank *and* Crank 2, this time, with the added bonus of even *more* racism, sexism and homophobia. It's movies like this that don't make me feel bad about using torrents. If Hollywood doesn't feel it's necessary to even *think* about towards catering to my needs/wants as a consumer, then they obviously feel my dollars aren't necessary. With crap like this, I have no desire to give it to them.
Angel of Death - this is basically the web series in full movie form. I don't know if the full movie has anything new/different from the web serial since I bailed on it around episode 2. As a whole, the movie's just.. all right. When it's Zoe Bell kicking ass and taking names, it's awesome but the plot just doesn't have the energy or pace to maintain the momentum. Which, I guess, was the outcome of its low budget. But, honestly, it's also a problem with the story, it's lacking a bit of 'oomph'.
Rogue (2007) - This one was way better than I expected it to be. Totally forgot it was by the same guy who did 'Wolf Creek'. A movie I kinda refuse to watch due to its content (hikers get tortured/killed by serial killer). The movie goes along at a nice pace and works because the monster (crocodile) isn't shown until the last third of the movie. It also helps that it stars Radha Mitchell. Although, I'm still not sure why a movie she carries on her shoulders for about 3/4's of the film suddenly becomes about Michael Vartan!
Mind Warp (1990) - I have now seen *every* single movie starring Bruce Campbell. I think I'm supposed to get a plaque or something. While both imdb.com and Wiki have 1992 as the year of this movie, it's copywritten in the credits as 1990. Why is this important? Because this is such a leftover from the 80's movie, back when post-apocalypse films were the big thing.. amongst low budget movies. Back when there were still drive-ins and midnight movies. Anyway, the movie's complete crap with the only interesting aspect being the shooting location. The exterior scenes were shot on a sand and copper mining ruin in Gay, Michigan.
Sadly, this movie also falls into my constantly growing 'heroine threatened with rape' list. On the one hand, the story and setting actually sets up this particular plot thread - forced impregnation for the purpose of survival of the species - so it doesn't exactly come from left field. On the other, I *want* to forgive it since it's an almost 30 year old movie.. but, I won't. Even by 1990 standards, this particular trope had already become beyond tired.
Cleavagefield - You know, I like to say that I'll watch anything but even I have my limits. After five minutes of this softcore crap (I caught it on Cinemax), I had to turn it off because I could actually *feel* my IQ dropping.
Outlander (2008) - That was.. surprisingly good? Sure, it could have been 20 minutes shorter and funny how 6th century Vikings sound surprisingly like 20th century Brits and/or Americans. It's a bit flawed, ie, Sophia Myles being introduced as a kick-ass Viking princess who suddenly gets taken by the monster that, until this point, has been killing everything its come in contact with all for the sole purpose of being rescued by The Hero. Or someone forgetting to tell James Caviezel that he's in a movie about Vikings fighting an alien because he plays it like he's gonna send this as his Oscar nom reel. But, there were Vikings and aliens and a weird environmentalist message that kinda gets lost in all the killings.
Mutant Chronicles - Thankfully, The Dark Knight came around because, at this rate, Aaron Eckhart was quickly becoming this generations Christopher Lambert? A decent rental mainly for its special effects and sometimes great visuals, but all the special effects and visuals in the world can't overcome a lackluster script which is more interested in killing its characters at X plot point to keep the storyline going instead of giving me a reason as to why I should care that they're dead. And is also about as dreary as the muted tones of its visuals. Which is my one big complaint in regards to Hollywood today is the overuse of desaturated and muted color tones. Like, dude, film is a *visual* medium and as cool as ya'll think this looks? Nobody gives a damn if they can't see what's fucking onscreen! Somebody turn on a goddamn light.. or twelve!
Push - Wow, it's been a long time since a movie was so bad as to make me angry but Push is definitely it! Long, boring, plodding, it attempts to be convoluted with its plot but instead looks amateurish. I could rant about the crappiness of this movie but I'll just leave it at this - DO NOT WASTE YOUR TIME!!
Knowing - From the same studio, Summit Entertainment, that brought the world Twilight and Push. At first, it was one of those movies that tested my will to live but then, as the suckitude continued, became an inspiration for me to start writing more scripts. Because, seriously, if Summit Entertainment is willing to buy crap like *this* or Push? THEY'LL BUY ANYTHING!!
Dhoom - My Bollywood selection for this round. I'd seen the sequel before I'd seen this and thank GOD I did. I thought the Jai Dixit character (the hero) being a giant DICKHEAD in the second film was an anomaly for that flick. Nope, Jai Dixit is, hands down, about the most dickish 'hero' I've ever had the displeasure to watch. Seriously, when you're rooting for the 'bad guys' to win? Something's wrong. The villain, John Abrahams, doesn't actually show up until the half-way point of the movie. Dhoom is mostly saved, mostly, by Uday Chopra's low-level theif Ali Baig. Enjoyable but pretty much forgettable.
17 Again - I'd like to start off by saying a) this was the week I had no cable and b) it was free! Overall, I found it.. cute but that's probably my growing love for Zac Ephron talking. I could nitpick it to death, especially the hypocritical sexism but I pretty much expected that going in. The two parts that did bother were this - Matthew Perry gets the opportunity to become 17 again partly because he sucks as a father. His son is being bullied, not to mention said bully is his daughter's boyfriend. First off, it totally glosses over the fact that the mother should shoulder some of the blame for the situation *they're* kids are in. Second, it *completely* glosses over the fact that their daughter is dating the guy who's constantly harassing their son. Actually, the relationship between the son and the daughter is so non-existent that the two could have been in separate movies.
Finally, more than anything, I want a movie where a character gets to be young again, learns his or her 'valuable lesson' and CHOOSES TO REMAIN YOUNG! For awhile, I actually thought this was the direction the movie was going especially in relation to the wife character. Who's shown to actually be BETTER OFF without the Matthew Perry character (as an adult) in the picture... well, you know, aside from her sketchy parenting skills.
Affinity - Well that was fucking depressing! For some reason I'm contractually obligated to watch *everything* Zoe Tapper does.. which explains watching every single episode of Demons. This is one that'd been sitting on my hard drive for awhile and, after I'd started reading Fingersmith, I figured I'd give this Sarah Waters adaptation a view. More of a gothic mystery/horror with lesbians than a lesbian romance. One of those movies where it only works as long as you don't think too hard after it's over or else the entire plot falls apart. Like, way too many ducks had to be lined in a row for the plot to work as out as perfectly as it did, and even then I felt like the story 'cheated' to achieve its ending. It's not so much an 'a-ha' as much as a 'whu?'. I can only suppose the book expands a bit more on this but, having now seen the movie, I really have no interest in reading it. I don't mean that in the negative, the movie wasn't bad per se but I'm not in the mood to get involved in a book where *another* lesbian dies!
In the end - I guess the only ones I'd recommend would be Rogue, Affinity (which is quite good until the ending - someone wanna explain that to me?) and Angel of Death, mostly for the Zoe Bell awesomeness.
Next Up: The Bollywood Edition. Where I try and see if there's a Bollywood movie I *don't* like!! Actually, there was one I watched a couple years ago that made me want to beat everyone involved with a ball-pin hammer but, for the life of me, I can't remember the title!
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no subject
on 2009-09-16 02:13 am (UTC)I love Dhoom if only for its ridiculous amalgamations of Hollywood plots, its blatant ripoffs of Tarkan's music, and the horrible acting. And of course Uday Chopra's fabulous dancing. Pity he's so short; he would be such a better lead. I have a friend who swears that Abhishek Bachchan has improved with age... but I don't believe her.
no subject
on 2009-09-16 02:54 am (UTC)Okay, now I *want* to read the book. I figured something got lost in translation from script to screen. Because, yeah, I think I'd like an Affinity where everything made sense!
I have a friend who swears that Abhishek Bachchan has improved with age... but I don't believe her.
I have Guru in the list of movies to watch but, having seen Dronas, I share your views on Bachchan's talents.