Five Movies That Should Be Remade
Jun. 23rd, 2009 02:57 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
trancer21Totally and shamelessly stealing this idea from ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
seriousfic because, hey, why not? (I mean on the whole suggesting movies that should be remade and not ripping off someone else's idea!) The movies I'm suggesting aren't actually bad movies, per se, but with a bigger budget, some script tightening, they could totally be *better* movies. Plus, most people haven't heard of them anyway, so there wouldn't be that whole 'remake? eww!' stigma. So, as the head CEO of 'No Original Ideas, EVER' Studios, here's my list of movies that should be remade if my imaginary studio existed and I had a stack of money to burn:
1. Night of the Comet - If Hollywood is gonna mire itself in remake mode, rather than scrape the bottom of the barrel with barely passable for their time material, Land of the Lost, there's like a *goldmine* of ideas just waiting to be mined from that Cinematic Golden Era known as THE EIGHTIES!! Zombies, cheerleaders with guns, evil scientists.
So, yeah, this time around Eliza Dushku is Regina and Leighton Meester is younger sis, and cheerleader, Samantha. Oh, and Regina's gay.. totally gay. Which means the Hector role will be genderbent and recast with Michelle Rodriguez.. and cuts out the weird love triangle that was introduced then quickly abandoned. The movie's pretty much perfect but a tighter middle section with more zombies and gun action and the added bonus of a post-apocalyptic lesbian love story equals BLOCKBUSTER!!
2. Better Than Chocolate - It's not that this is a bad movie, it's just (despite being one of the better lesbian rom-coms out there) it could be much, much better. I place the majority of it on the fact that the subplots - Lila's sexual awakening, the relationship between Lila and trans Judy, the romance between Judy and bookstore owner Frances, and Frances' travails with Canadian customs - are much better than the main plot, Maggie's romance with Kim. In fact, any *one* of those subplots would have made a better movie. The one subplot that doesn't work is bisexual Carla's affair with Maggie's brother. It comes from out of nowhere and really serves no purpose. And, honestly, when I'm paying to see a lesbian romcom, I don't want to see the story of some dude's first experience with pegging. Seriously. Cramming them all into one movie gives it an unfocused feel and lack of depth in certain situations that are in dire need of them.
The biggest problem is the Maggie character. She's the center of the film but neither the character nor the actress has the gravitas to pull it off. Plus, Maggie's kind of a whiny brat. Yes, it's nice to get a movie where the lesbians are all happy and healthy but it would have been nice to have been given a reason *why* Maggie and Kim fell for each other.. other than 'you're hot, let's fuck'.
My suggestion, and this is probably gonna be considered blasphemy, is drop the Frances character and make Kim the bookstore owner and Maggie the boho artist. One, it gives Kim *way* more depth and agency than she had in the movie (I found the characters *way* too similar personality wise, making Kim pretty much superfluous), plus it gives both Kim and Maggie external and internal drivers with deeper potential for conflict. Seriously, their breakup is one of the *lamest* breakups in cinema.
3. It's In The Water - Like BTC, this movie suffers from one damn subplot too many. Is it a romance? A satire? Both? Neither? Satirizing Southern Culture for the purpose of skewering homophobia is a good jumping off point but the movie just doesn't do a good enough job of the very culture its supposed to be satirizing. The pacing is too slow for a comedy and the romance between Alex and Grace gets kinda sidelined for the boring and unnecessary Mark/Thomas subplot. Unfortunately, for a movie that's a little over 10 years old, the movie is *incredibly* dated, ie, the townspeople protesting the opening of an AIDS hospice but there's still a ton of other elements in the film that could be expanded upon for an update/remake - the rumor that homosexuality is caused by something 'in the water', the gay rehabilitation group.
Oh, and having re-watched this recently, the tone of the scene where Alex finds out Grace is gay is all kinds of off. Alex wanting to know about Grace's lesbianism is one thing, wanting to know in the same scene where she finds out why Grace's husband beat the crap out of her? Um.. no. Let alone how the movie completely and easily glosses over the fact that Alex is married. I don't care if Rick *is* an ass, adultery is NOT cool! Especially if it's not going to be directly dealt with. For all the (lack of) conflict the character provided, he didn't need to be there to begin with.
My biggest suggestion, aside from a bigger budget and better script and some better actors *cough*Grace*cough*, would be to dump the Mark character altogether (taking the Thomas subplot with it) and making Alex the reporter working for her father's newspaper (or update it to a tv station, whatever). This gives Alex a bit more agency because, as the characters stands now, she's a bit of a Trophy Wife and integrates her a bit more with some of the other subplots, gives her actual conflict with her father as opposed to just between Alex and her overbearing and judgmental mother.
4. Avenging Disco Vampires - The best part about choosing an obscure, micro-budget movie that nobody's seen for a remake? Choosing an obscure, micro-budget movie that nobody's seen for a remake!! Seriously, when I say 'micro-budget' I mean a movie made with 'five dollars, a roll of duct tape and a bunch of college buddies willing to work for a 12-pack of Bud'. But it has a great premise - 3 fugitives find themselves in the middle of a war between two vampire clans.
I could talk about the flaws of the movie but, shit, nobody's seen it but me and three guys in Kentucky. So I'm sure a $50 million budget (I'm making it this high because getting an awesome soundtrack is gonna be *expensive*) with Simon Pegg as writer/director, this has summer blockbuster written all over it!
5. Bandits - Which fulfills my 'why the fuck did they remake *this*?' quota because, honestly, this movie is awesome!! No, not the movie with Billy Bob Thorton and Bruce Willis but the German movie about four female prisoners who form a jailhouse band, breakout and become instant stars while on the run from the cops!
HONORABLE MENTIONS:
6. D.E.B.S. - Blasphemy, I know. It's a good film and I love it, but then I watch the short and I'm like 'damn, what this movie really needs is an 'R' rating!' DEBS did come out when parody's about spy movies were a dime a dozen but the movie is missing the biting edge that's prominent in the short. So yeah, R rating for more sex, violence, swearing and nudity!! And before anyone asks - OF COURSE Jordana Brewster would be back as Lucy Diamond!
7. Just One Of The Guys - One of the greatest teen and 80's movies of all time!! Why remake it? Shit, Land of the Lost got fucking made! So why the fuck not. But rather than the tired cliche of 'girl in drag falls for boy' lets update it for the times and use the tired cliche of 'girl in drag falls for girl'. Happy endings for everybody!
8. The Car - Because any list regarding movies that should be remade should include a cheesy horror flick from the 70's (to add to the avalanche of already badly made horror remakes). And what could be better than a satanic possessed car going on a killing rampage?
9. Maximum Overdrive - I was hesitant to put this on the list because part of what makes this movie so good is its low budget. Then again, this isn't a list of movies that should *never* be remade! The AC/DC soundtrack MUST stay. Trade Emilio Estevez for some washed up former WB/CW star or, even better, Summer Glau as ex-convict Billy, who's sole purpose is to shoot stuff and look good in a tight t-shirt!
10. Circuitry Man - The last movie on my list was going to be Clash of the Titans but, amazingly, that movie is already getting remade! So, instead, I turn to this cult classic in a post-apocalyptic world where pollution has forced humanity to live underground, where computer chips are the new drug of choice. It has female heroine as a body guard, robotic sex slaves who don't know they're robots, lesbian mafiosos and their lesbian henchmen in drag, Mad Max rejects and, quite possibly, a kitchen sink!
Once again, doing anything to keep from working on resumes!
seriousfic because, hey, why not? (I mean on the whole suggesting movies that should be remade and not ripping off someone else's idea!) The movies I'm suggesting aren't actually bad movies, per se, but with a bigger budget, some script tightening, they could totally be *better* movies. Plus, most people haven't heard of them anyway, so there wouldn't be that whole 'remake? eww!' stigma. So, as the head CEO of 'No Original Ideas, EVER' Studios, here's my list of movies that should be remade if my imaginary studio existed and I had a stack of money to burn:1. Night of the Comet - If Hollywood is gonna mire itself in remake mode, rather than scrape the bottom of the barrel with barely passable for their time material, Land of the Lost, there's like a *goldmine* of ideas just waiting to be mined from that Cinematic Golden Era known as THE EIGHTIES!! Zombies, cheerleaders with guns, evil scientists.
So, yeah, this time around Eliza Dushku is Regina and Leighton Meester is younger sis, and cheerleader, Samantha. Oh, and Regina's gay.. totally gay. Which means the Hector role will be genderbent and recast with Michelle Rodriguez.. and cuts out the weird love triangle that was introduced then quickly abandoned. The movie's pretty much perfect but a tighter middle section with more zombies and gun action and the added bonus of a post-apocalyptic lesbian love story equals BLOCKBUSTER!!
2. Better Than Chocolate - It's not that this is a bad movie, it's just (despite being one of the better lesbian rom-coms out there) it could be much, much better. I place the majority of it on the fact that the subplots - Lila's sexual awakening, the relationship between Lila and trans Judy, the romance between Judy and bookstore owner Frances, and Frances' travails with Canadian customs - are much better than the main plot, Maggie's romance with Kim. In fact, any *one* of those subplots would have made a better movie. The one subplot that doesn't work is bisexual Carla's affair with Maggie's brother. It comes from out of nowhere and really serves no purpose. And, honestly, when I'm paying to see a lesbian romcom, I don't want to see the story of some dude's first experience with pegging. Seriously. Cramming them all into one movie gives it an unfocused feel and lack of depth in certain situations that are in dire need of them.
The biggest problem is the Maggie character. She's the center of the film but neither the character nor the actress has the gravitas to pull it off. Plus, Maggie's kind of a whiny brat. Yes, it's nice to get a movie where the lesbians are all happy and healthy but it would have been nice to have been given a reason *why* Maggie and Kim fell for each other.. other than 'you're hot, let's fuck'.
My suggestion, and this is probably gonna be considered blasphemy, is drop the Frances character and make Kim the bookstore owner and Maggie the boho artist. One, it gives Kim *way* more depth and agency than she had in the movie (I found the characters *way* too similar personality wise, making Kim pretty much superfluous), plus it gives both Kim and Maggie external and internal drivers with deeper potential for conflict. Seriously, their breakup is one of the *lamest* breakups in cinema.
3. It's In The Water - Like BTC, this movie suffers from one damn subplot too many. Is it a romance? A satire? Both? Neither? Satirizing Southern Culture for the purpose of skewering homophobia is a good jumping off point but the movie just doesn't do a good enough job of the very culture its supposed to be satirizing. The pacing is too slow for a comedy and the romance between Alex and Grace gets kinda sidelined for the boring and unnecessary Mark/Thomas subplot. Unfortunately, for a movie that's a little over 10 years old, the movie is *incredibly* dated, ie, the townspeople protesting the opening of an AIDS hospice but there's still a ton of other elements in the film that could be expanded upon for an update/remake - the rumor that homosexuality is caused by something 'in the water', the gay rehabilitation group.
Oh, and having re-watched this recently, the tone of the scene where Alex finds out Grace is gay is all kinds of off. Alex wanting to know about Grace's lesbianism is one thing, wanting to know in the same scene where she finds out why Grace's husband beat the crap out of her? Um.. no. Let alone how the movie completely and easily glosses over the fact that Alex is married. I don't care if Rick *is* an ass, adultery is NOT cool! Especially if it's not going to be directly dealt with. For all the (lack of) conflict the character provided, he didn't need to be there to begin with.
My biggest suggestion, aside from a bigger budget and better script and some better actors *cough*Grace*cough*, would be to dump the Mark character altogether (taking the Thomas subplot with it) and making Alex the reporter working for her father's newspaper (or update it to a tv station, whatever). This gives Alex a bit more agency because, as the characters stands now, she's a bit of a Trophy Wife and integrates her a bit more with some of the other subplots, gives her actual conflict with her father as opposed to just between Alex and her overbearing and judgmental mother.
4. Avenging Disco Vampires - The best part about choosing an obscure, micro-budget movie that nobody's seen for a remake? Choosing an obscure, micro-budget movie that nobody's seen for a remake!! Seriously, when I say 'micro-budget' I mean a movie made with 'five dollars, a roll of duct tape and a bunch of college buddies willing to work for a 12-pack of Bud'. But it has a great premise - 3 fugitives find themselves in the middle of a war between two vampire clans.
I could talk about the flaws of the movie but, shit, nobody's seen it but me and three guys in Kentucky. So I'm sure a $50 million budget (I'm making it this high because getting an awesome soundtrack is gonna be *expensive*) with Simon Pegg as writer/director, this has summer blockbuster written all over it!
5. Bandits - Which fulfills my 'why the fuck did they remake *this*?' quota because, honestly, this movie is awesome!! No, not the movie with Billy Bob Thorton and Bruce Willis but the German movie about four female prisoners who form a jailhouse band, breakout and become instant stars while on the run from the cops!
HONORABLE MENTIONS:
6. D.E.B.S. - Blasphemy, I know. It's a good film and I love it, but then I watch the short and I'm like 'damn, what this movie really needs is an 'R' rating!' DEBS did come out when parody's about spy movies were a dime a dozen but the movie is missing the biting edge that's prominent in the short. So yeah, R rating for more sex, violence, swearing and nudity!! And before anyone asks - OF COURSE Jordana Brewster would be back as Lucy Diamond!
7. Just One Of The Guys - One of the greatest teen and 80's movies of all time!! Why remake it? Shit, Land of the Lost got fucking made! So why the fuck not. But rather than the tired cliche of 'girl in drag falls for boy' lets update it for the times and use the tired cliche of 'girl in drag falls for girl'. Happy endings for everybody!
8. The Car - Because any list regarding movies that should be remade should include a cheesy horror flick from the 70's (to add to the avalanche of already badly made horror remakes). And what could be better than a satanic possessed car going on a killing rampage?
9. Maximum Overdrive - I was hesitant to put this on the list because part of what makes this movie so good is its low budget. Then again, this isn't a list of movies that should *never* be remade! The AC/DC soundtrack MUST stay. Trade Emilio Estevez for some washed up former WB/CW star or, even better, Summer Glau as ex-convict Billy, who's sole purpose is to shoot stuff and look good in a tight t-shirt!
10. Circuitry Man - The last movie on my list was going to be Clash of the Titans but, amazingly, that movie is already getting remade! So, instead, I turn to this cult classic in a post-apocalyptic world where pollution has forced humanity to live underground, where computer chips are the new drug of choice. It has female heroine as a body guard, robotic sex slaves who don't know they're robots, lesbian mafiosos and their lesbian henchmen in drag, Mad Max rejects and, quite possibly, a kitchen sink!
Once again, doing anything to keep from working on resumes!
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
on 2009-06-23 10:17 pm (UTC)no subject
on 2009-06-23 10:37 pm (UTC)"You're lucky I like kids."
on 2009-06-23 10:22 pm (UTC)So, basically your Michelle Rodriguez RPF with the serial numbers filed off (or, um, filed back on)? I'd watch it just to see Meester's facial expressions when confronted with a zombie horde. You know the eye-rolls she'd give Romero zombies (fast zombies: NOT ON) would be epic.
And they have to keep the plot point that being equally proficient at an arcade game means you're destined to fall in love. I don't care if it's just the license plate and a scene where Eliza Dushku and Michelle Rodriguez play strip Galaga, without that, it's not Night of the Comet without it.
Re: "You're lucky I like kids."
on 2009-06-23 10:45 pm (UTC)Lol, I hadn't thought of it that way but basically yeah. Plus, MR would make a MUCH better Hector!
And they have to keep the plot point that being equally proficient at an arcade game means you're destined to fall in love.
Except, Regina didn't fall in love with DMK, ie Danny Mason Keener, but Samantha (wow, why do I know this off the top of my head). Doesn't mean Regina, now played by Eliza Dushku, *can't* play strip-Galaga with Rodriguez.
no subject
on 2009-06-24 12:40 am (UTC)no subject
on 2009-06-24 02:03 am (UTC)no subject
on 2009-06-24 02:02 am (UTC)I'd watch your remakes, especially if it's got zombies. Actually you're making me want to watch the originals...
no subject
on 2009-06-24 02:09 am (UTC)no subject
on 2009-06-24 05:03 am (UTC)I also agree with you on DEBS, although I listened to the director's commentary and she basically said that she wanted the movie to be available to tweener girls who had absolutely no other lesbian movies to enjoy, because most lesbian movies either get no exposure ("Better Than Chocolate") or end up with an NC-17 rating, and she wanted this movie to be shown in multiplexes in Oklahoma. So although I agree with you about the sex and badassery, I understood what the director was saying about gaining an audience.
no subject
on 2009-06-24 06:13 pm (UTC)Honestly, the more I watch that movie the more I want to smack Maggie upside the head. I get the whole babydyke coming out thing, but the treatment of her mother just drives me UP THE WALL!!
As for DEBS, the good thing about doing a remake is it doesn't erase the original. I have no qualms about Angela Robinson's reasons for toning down the movie to get a PG rating. It's just now that it's been done as a PG movie, I want the movie that was originally intended!
no subject
on 2009-06-24 11:25 am (UTC)Yay for Night of the Comet being #1. Though I doubt that even a girl-on-girl reimagining could top the original's awesomely perfect '80s-ness.
no subject
on 2009-06-24 06:19 pm (UTC)Besides, remaking it would fill the quota of 'remade movies that didn't need to be remade'!
no subject
on 2009-06-24 12:26 pm (UTC)80% of the acting in IITW is godawful, so a remake, with tighter plots and character development, would be very welcome. I'd like an Alex who has only ever been a trophy wife, but is going through a divorce (she left him) when she re-meets Grace, and her world is thrown upside down a little more than changing her video watching habits.
For me, the DEBS short was so much better than the feature film, because Amy actually seemed to have a bit of personality and backbone. So definite remake material.
no subject
on 2009-06-24 06:31 pm (UTC)If I could split the movie in two, I'd make the Frances versus Canadian Customs its own movie and leave everything else in the other movie. Make Maggie a little less insufferable, with more room for her relationship with her mother and give Kim an actual personality.
80% of the acting in IITW is godawful..
Lol, which is a shame since had there been like 3 more actors that could actually act the movie wouldn't have been as bad as it is!
no subject
on 2009-08-18 08:18 pm (UTC)Looking at this again, I would thank fucking God for a parody of the new "no one must ever smile!" Bourne Identity/Quantum of Solace type spy movies. Pitting an angsty, strait-laced girl spy against free-spirit Lucy Diamond would do quite nicely.